School Supply Breakdown
Stretchy book covers. Safety goggles. Fifteen folders with pockets and prongs. White eraser. Pink Eraser. Index cards, two sizes. Combination lock. Red pens. Blue Pens. Black Pens. Pencils. Highlighters. 24 crayons. Oops. . . another box of 24 crayons. Colored pencils. Red marker. (I think if we lined up all of the writing utensils currently in this house, end-to-end, we could reach twice around the Earth.) Page protectors. One set of 8-subject dividers, four sets of 5-subject dividers. Wide-ruled paper. College-ruled spiral notebook. Graph paper. Ruler. Protractor. Three pair of scissors. Four glue sticks. Two school boxes. One calculator. White-out. Sticky-notes. Two 1" binders. Three 2" binders. Three 1.5" binders. One 3" binder.
HOLD EVERYTHING!!!!!
It was the binders that sent me over the edge. Do you know how big a 3" binder is? Oh. I guess you do. Three inches wide. But let me tell you, that is REALLY BIG for a binder, especially when stacked on top of at least 12.5 inches of other binders in my cart at Staples.
"What are these for?" I ask.
"School," says Jono, checking off his list, haphazardly tossing binders willy-nilly into my cart. "Wait. I like the orange binder." He is reaching for the shelf.
"STOP!" I am screaming in Staples. "That orange binder is 14.99. You cannot have it." I actually throw my hands out, in stop-sign fashion. If I were at a wedding, I might look like I was dancing to a Supremes' song. But sadly, I am in an office supplies store.
"Okay," he says, looking at me like I'm the one who is completely crazy. I am not.
"Find the cheap binders, the basic binders. What are these for again?"
"One for math, three for language arts, two for science, one for history, one for health, one for Spanish."
"Right. Sure. Wait, what?"
I really cannot grasp the binder concept. I am stunned by the amount of binders. Binderbinderbinder. It is beginning to feel like "binder" isn't even a real word. The vinyl folders are piling up in my cart, annoying me.
"Where are you going to keep these?" I ask.
"My locker," he says. "Oh, I need a lock."
To lock up the one million dollars' worth of binders. Of course.
"How big is your locker?" I am incredulous. Obviously, at least 15.5 inches wide.
Jono doesn't know. He is gone, anyway, in search of locks.
I have a brilliant flash—I will invent one binder, 15.5 inches wide, in which all of the other binders can fit. Yes, I will have to invent a giant scary hole punch, but that's just another coup for me, I think.
I have an 80's flashback (these happen frequently) to the days of the Trapper Keeper, a nice system with dividers and a Velcro flap. There was a lot to be said about the school supplies of my past . . . simple, honest, straightforward. A Trapper Keeper did what it promised. It trapped your papers. It kept them. If I'm remembering correctly, it might have had a pencil pouch inside. Nice touch, Trapper.
Jono has returned with index cards, in a package of 500. No lock, but I can't fit it in the cart anyway.
I can feel the sweat beading on my forehead. "Please, God," I am thinking, "do not let me fall apart in Staples. It is school supply shopping. This is not rocket science. Unless . . "
"Jono, do you need a binder for Rocket Science?"
He rolls his eyes.
"I only need 10 index cards, but this is all they have."
"Put. Them. Back."
"But, Mom. . ."
My child. My lovely, always-prepared child. How can I tell him that I am unwilling to buy 490 extra index cards so that he can fulfill a list that would please the owner of any small business? He will lose sleep if he does not have his supplies. He will worry. I cannot go to another store. We are at an impasse. He looks at me. I look at him. The binders are multiplying in my cart.
"Let's get these later," he says.
I love this boy. I am thankful for this school system that prepares my child for the world. I am grateful for his teachers and for what they give of themselves. I am blessed that I can afford to provide what my family needs. And, believe it or not, I love shiny new school supplies.
But I hate binders.
C- I laughed out LOUD at this one! I only have children in grade one and grade three and every year my children have a school supply list that specifically says NO TRAPPER KEEPERS. What is their problem with Trappers I think? I loved mine in school! But then this year, I laughed so hard at my friend's sixth grader supply list that said he needed a TRAPPER!!! I guess they are evil only through 5th grade!
Glad to see the update on the running! Keep it up girl! My feet have been hurting so I've taken a bit of a break. But good for you!!!!!
You can do the women's only triathlon with me next year!!!
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schools think up the most difficult supplies each year to make parents crazy. for us, it is LARGE book covers. they sell out august 12th and don't get any more in. it is wrong. thanks for the laughs!
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