A Matter of Faith
I received a gift recently, a book from a friend. Inscribed on the front cover were the words, "To my best friend Christy who brought me to faith." Uh-oh. Okay, "uh-oh" was my second thought. First, I was completely moved and grateful and glad. But next, I was struck by a wave of doubt. Not because her journey was taking a step in the direction of faith, but because mine seemed to have taken a small step back.
I took a few minutes to think about why I was struggling with my faith. What was I needing, missing, wanting? For one, there are some women and fellowship that I truly miss. Our children have grown, our circles have changed, our lives are different. Two, I am not as involved at church as I have been in past years. Well, I certainly brought that one on myself, now, didn't I? Saying "no, thank you" to several committees, so as to not repeat a year of complete volunteer craziness. But now I find myself in the building much less. Hmm. I really like that building. Three, I'm not as faithful with Sunday attendance. There are plenty of Sundays that I sing in the choir, or one of my children sings, but still. . . there are Sundays that come and go and we don't get to church. Four, support. I miss the support I once had by being a part of a circle, a prayer chain. When I needed support recently, I didn't know where to turn, so I turned inward. People are not mind-readers, though I kind of hoped they were.
I reflected on my list. And I wondered—am I really struggling with my faith, or is my faith struggling with me? Or is it "faith" at all? My relationship with God is pretty good. I pray, I believe, I love. So maybe it's not faith that's at the heart of this; maybe I'm just missing the things that can support my faith, things that can support ME in my faith.
I will be attending a women's mission project soon, and I have reached out to some old friends in the hopes of reconnecting. A journey can be long, and sometimes there are detours. In the meantime, let me know if you have any ideas for a day trip. . .
I took a few minutes to think about why I was struggling with my faith. What was I needing, missing, wanting? For one, there are some women and fellowship that I truly miss. Our children have grown, our circles have changed, our lives are different. Two, I am not as involved at church as I have been in past years. Well, I certainly brought that one on myself, now, didn't I? Saying "no, thank you" to several committees, so as to not repeat a year of complete volunteer craziness. But now I find myself in the building much less. Hmm. I really like that building. Three, I'm not as faithful with Sunday attendance. There are plenty of Sundays that I sing in the choir, or one of my children sings, but still. . . there are Sundays that come and go and we don't get to church. Four, support. I miss the support I once had by being a part of a circle, a prayer chain. When I needed support recently, I didn't know where to turn, so I turned inward. People are not mind-readers, though I kind of hoped they were.
I reflected on my list. And I wondered—am I really struggling with my faith, or is my faith struggling with me? Or is it "faith" at all? My relationship with God is pretty good. I pray, I believe, I love. So maybe it's not faith that's at the heart of this; maybe I'm just missing the things that can support my faith, things that can support ME in my faith.
I will be attending a women's mission project soon, and I have reached out to some old friends in the hopes of reconnecting. A journey can be long, and sometimes there are detours. In the meantime, let me know if you have any ideas for a day trip. . .
What a great question to think about, "Am I struggling with my faith, or is my faith struggling with me?"
We all go through difficult patches, and this is a good way to think about what may be going on.
Reply to this