Dream a Little Dream. . .
I can hardly sleep for all the dreaming. In the past few weeks, it's been nightly, many dreams in a night. If I wake in the morning and fall back asleep, I am guaranteed another dream. I now have images crowding my head — a pile of purple toss pillows, a big green cozy armchair, and a purple one, too. A huge construction project in the backyard—were there tiki torches? I think so. A vague tragedy one night; I can't quite remember, and I think that's probably okay. French doors covered in cardboard and tape. My mom's friend, Nan, standing in my upstairs hall. Two end tables, side by side. A broken cell phone.
While I don't really mind the dreams, I find I'm not sleeping well, and I wake not very rested. I've tried going to bed earlier, and then, the next night, later. Not eating late at night, not watching TV in the evening, reading, or not reading. Last night, I was almost grateful to have a headache, because I thought maybe the medicine would allow me a deeper sleep. Nope, still dreamy.
In the middle of all of this midnight activity, I decided that maybe I could use the dreams to my benefit. I've dreamed of my grandparents and others that I miss in the past, and have, in the morning, felt like I've been visited. So I thought, maybe, I'll dream a little dream of someONE, rather than these random THINGS. My grandmother. My grandparents. My Susie.
But still, just the crazy unrelated images.
Last evening, I was typing in my bedroom, sitting in a small armchair that is between the windows, facing the side of my bed. I've been sitting there a lot, lately. It's quiet, it's comfortable. Adam came in after dinner, and stopped in the doorway.
"It always shocks me to see you sitting there," he said.
I thought about his words for a while. My grandmother sat in a chair by her bedside for as long as I knew her. It was pulled a little closer than mine; she would put her slippered feet up on the bed. I wonder, what has caused me to begin to find peace and quiet in this one chair? In this one space?
And as I am typing now, I am remembering that I dreamed about two cozy armchairs.
This blue chair was given to my by my grandmother for my wedding.
Perhaps I dreamed of her after all.
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