Testing the Water
Have you ever wondered if you missed your true calling? I hear it all the time about so many people. "So-and-so missed his true calling—he was meant to be a teacher," or "She's missed her true calling; she should go into politics." We used to say that our mom was meant to be a doctor, but actually, I think she was meant to be our mom with an exceptional ability to diagnose anything and everything that comes her way. People know this about her, and they call on her. She is always right about my kids' symptoms, about telling me not to worry, about telling me when I should go to the doctor. My mom can tell when I'm about to get a headache. (Apparently, she can also see the future.)
I wonder, some days, about my true calling. When I see people like Susan Boyle on television, at 40-something years old, changing her life, doing what she was meant to do, singing a song called "Who I Was Born to Be," I can't help but wonder. Am I? Am I yet? This is not to say that I'm meant to go on British TV and come in second-place on "Britain's Got Talent." (Because, obviously, I would come in first!) KIDDING! This is to say, am I who I am meant to be? Who God intended me to be?
There are days when I feel as shallow as a wading pool. But it is on those days, specifically, that I wonder: is there a deep end of this pool that I'm neglecting? A deep, spiritual side that I'm simply afraid to navigate? And if I swim toward that part of myself, what will I find? And why am I afraid to find out what God might intend for me if I really, really sink into myself? If I were to investigate this metaphor of the pool and the water a little further, I think it would be the life-saver that's missing. What is it? Trust? Faith?
I'm not afraid of water, generally. Or swimming. I tend to venture out into the deep end of most pools, and I love floating in the lake at my parents' summer place. In fact, I have often said that floating in this very water is where I find the most peace of all.
Maybe, if I can survive a deep end of a pool, and the deep end of a lake, then I can survive a dip into the deep end of my soul. I just need to hang onto my faith, hold on tightly to trust, and jump.
Your post resonated with me so much, Christy, not only because of its authentic expression but because I was writing today of swimming in the deep end myself, wondering what God might have in store for me there. Uncanny. Always glad to see these notes from the journey.
Reply to this